The 10 Stages of Grief as a Retail Associate during the Holidays

Recently, I have taken up a second job as a Sales Floor Associate in retail. Now, to preface, I worked in the retail world for five years through high school and college. It wasn't exactly a dream job, but it supplemented my collegiate activities. To preface even further, during this time in retail,  I never worked directly coinciding with the holiday season. And yesterday, nearing the end of my 8-hour shift, I realized why. You think you're tough? You don't know what being tough is until you've dealt with the onslaught of grouchy holiday shoppers. After a few weeks in, I have compiled a list of the ten stages of grief that a retail worker experiences during the holidays. 

Stage 1: Last shift was no bueno, but I'm optimistic! 

Ok, so last shift was rough. A mom with her six children rummaging through your section got upset because you couldn't find her a 10-pack of size 3T socks in baby powder blue, but that's ok. Today is a new day! You're gonna get your shoes on and iron out those black pants and KILL IT. Right?

Stage 2: And then you pull into the parking lot...

And your first instinct is to put the pedal to the medal and gun it out of there. The parking lot is full...that means the store is crowded...and that means people...may actually...talk to you. Maybe you've suddenly come down with a cold? But no, you need money to go out next weekend. And Jennifer from the jewelry section has already seen you and waved. So that's a no go. I guess that means, here goes nothing. 

Stage 3: Walk into the store and remember, you're technically not on the clock yet

This is the time to scope out the scene. It's not as bad as you thought it was because you can't hear a baby hysterically crying within earshot, so that's a good sign. The lines seem manageable and the POS associates haven't pulled their hair out yet, another good sign. This is going to be a piece of cake! And suddenly, the walk back to punch in doesn't seem so bad. 

Stage 4: As soon as you punch in, it's as if the masses have arisen

No less than 10 seconds after you depart the break room, it's as if the floodgates have opened. There are people in aisles, people in fitting rooms, people in shelving units, people UNDER shelving units, people talking, people yelling, and people crying. And by people crying, I mean your soul is crying because you know you have 8 hours to go and no escape in sight. Deep breaths, maybe they're all so busy with their lists that they won't even see me! 

Stage 5: Ok, everyone has a lot of questions

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but you wouldn't happen to know where I could find a boy's size 8, Lee brand, dark rinse, relaxed fit jeans with a carpenter's pocket, husky fit?" Your mind activates lightning speed: you know where the Lee brand shelving unit is, so at least shuffle over there so it looks like you're competent. She said size 8 right? Let's pray to God the associate before me organized these by size. You're scrummaging through and pull out the first few size 8s you can get your hands on. Any dark rinse in here? Or did she say light rinse? Carpenter's fit? No pockets? Alaskan husky? OH MY GOD JUST NO.

Stage 6: The stockroom is your worst nightmare 

The time has come when someone asks you for something in a different color. Surprisingly, you're ok with this. You gladly reassure the customer that you'll go look for their request and make your way to the stockroom only to find pandaemonium. During the holidays, inventory is a free for all. There are toys where the shoes used to be, shoes where baby's clothes used to be, and everywhere in between there's gloves and thousands of Frozen memorabilia. Not to mention the several associates, literally, running behind the scenes. All it takes is one fitting room rack to the face to keep you out of there for the rest of your shift. 

Stage 7: Taking breaks and meal time. LOL

There are 3 rules to breaks and meal time: you don't DARE miss your scheduled breaks, you eat as fast as you can in fear that you'll be called back to the floor, and you spend the rest of the time avoiding all eye contact and possibly end up falling asleep until someone reminds you that you're five minutes overdue. You were just resting your eyes and lost track of time...honestly...

Stage 8: Hour 6 has set in and your back is slowly breaking

There is a true and measurable pain that sets in after standing, kneeling, and bending over the course of several hours. Your lower back feels like someone pushed you over really violently and now you can't straighten back out. Your hamstrings are burning. And your feet! We can't even talk about how uncomfortably sweaty your feet feel. You find yourself hiding in the fitting rooms to pop a squat just for a minute or too. The problem is that when you sit, you can't really get back up. 

Stage 9: You watch a customer hiding her unwanted items in a completely unrelated section

What is this that I'm finding in the women's sweaters aisle? A baby's bib, a pair of high heels, some gloves and a scarf, a half-drank Dunkin Donuts coffee, and a crumpled up coupon to Market Basket. It's like a twisted game of ISpy but instead of seeing it through a picture and flipping the page, you are staring at all the items and know they must eventually be returned to their proper place. Oy vey. 

Stage 10: HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH

Let's be honest, you've been counting down since 30 minutes to 10:00. Shoppers are making their way out, and a euphoric bliss washes over you. You've done it. You've managed to dodge answering any questions about home appliances that you know nothing about, found the last pair of Nike Airs in a size 6, and only had two meltdowns with customers in which you were accused of being useless. You came, you saw, you conquered. Now get out of here and reward yourself with a Starbucks Eggnog Latte. You've earned it, soldier. 

xo Jessica

Never Forget

As I sat in my first grade classroom this morning leading the morning greeting, I looked around at the 26 six-year old faces around my room. We carried on our morning meeting as usual, and I asked one of my students to write the date on the easel. They stepped up on their tip toes and wrote "9-11-2014" in bright blue marker. Seeing that date scrawled across the paper made me hold my breath. A tragic, if not the most tragic, day in our nation's history. But I then realized that all my students were born years after that nightmare. They wrote that date without a hitch, without a second thought. They didn't have to experience the pain and heartbreak. And I hope they never do.

I was eleven years old when 9/11 happened. I was sitting in my sixth grade English class when an announcement over the loud speaker said there had been an accident at the World Trade Center in New York City, and if anyone had family there then they should report to the office immediately.  At the time, I didn't even know what the World Trade Center was. Teachers whispered in the hallways. Staff followed students into the bathrooms. But coming home to my father, seated in front of the TV with tears streaming down his face, was the lasting memory I'll have in my mind forever. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. 

I feel in some ways that my childhood ended that day. I could no longer listen to the radio before going to bed because of the constant 9/11 coverage. Our school day was flooded with questions from teachers asking if we were ok. And, as difficult as it is to talk about, it's around the time my anxiety disorder originated. I could no longer fly in airplanes due to a paralyzing fear. As time passed, it became difficult to travel in trains and buses as well. Several years later, I was in therapy for a year. 13 years later, while I've made some progress, I still cannot get on a plane.

This day brings out a multitude of emotions for me. Every year on 9/11, I sob in the shower until I can get it all out. I am filled with sadness, heartbreak, and anger. Angry that, in some small way, those individuals who carried out those horrific actions that day succeeded in instilling fear. They instilled fear in me, a lasting, torturous, 13-year fear that I cannot shake to this day. And it infuriates me. I woke up this morning feeling these emotions, but my heart was swiftly changed after my school day began. 

I am hopeful. Hopeful that, while the bad gets so much attention, the good will persevere. Today, I witnessed one of my students share her black colored pencil with her neighbor to finish a project. I witnessed one of my students give up her spot on the rug because another student forgot his glasses. I witnessed one of my students comfort another one of my students because she missed her mother on a business trip. And it encouraged me to stop and think if someone needed me to do something for them today that they couldn't do themselves. So I will go to bed tonight not only praying for those lost lives and their loved ones, but also that the same kindness of my children can be absorbed into the world. Sometimes, I feel like they are teaching me more than I could ever teach them. 

xo Jessica

DIY Color Block Clutch

I'm a sucker for coupons and discounts. When I know a shopping trip is approaching, I'll start scouring the internet for any kind of deal I can find. But the absolute best finds are unexpected. Last week, I was perusing Old Navy and came across this sad white clutch sitting in a pile of dust with a few minor stains on one of the sale shelves. It had been marked down from $19.99 to $10. Knowing that Old Navy is amazing when it comes to taking care of damaged merchandise, I approached one of the salespeople and asked what the marked down price would be if I were to purchase the clutch. They dropped it down to $5.98 and it was as good as gone! I took it home that night, used an all-purpose green cleaner to wipe it down, and it looked good as new.

Before:

    

After:

    

After it was clean, I realized the crazy amount of potential for this little clutch. I did a little research on summer trends on Pinterest, and decided to move ahead full force with a DIY overhaul. Introducing...

DIY Color Block Clutch!

(I apologize for my disgraceful looking nails in advance, they will be manicured immediately.)

What you'll need:

White clutch (can be envelope-style, fold over, anything you want)

Jewelry strands of your choice (I prefer the Blue Moon brands, found at JoAnn's or Michael's)

Super glue

Acrylic paint

Fabric paint

Paint brush

Painter's tape (not pictured)

Acetone (not pictured)

Lay your clutch down and measure out how much of the jewelry strand you'll be using and if you'll have to cut some of it down. I had to cut my second strand in half and retie the string in order to fit it across the front of my clutch. I kept the extra beads in a pile. 

Next comes the super gluing. I place a piece of paper inside the clutch so the glue wouldn't seep through to the inside and close it shut. Very carefully, lift the jewelry strand section by section, starting at the top, and glue the fixture down. Hold each section for 15 seconds after you glue. 

Once you feel as though the entire upper jewelry strand is secure, starting gluing the bottom of the jewelry strand if necessary. 

As fun little feature, I glued one of my extra beads to the zipper.

And with that, part one is complete!

Now before you move on to part two, ask yourself if you're happy with this product. My sister loved the clutch the way it was before I painted it, and it would certainly be functional without the color blocking. But I wanted to go that extra mile for a pop of color. 

Take your painter's tape and mark off the section you'll be painting.

On a paper plate or in a plastic bowl, mix together 3 parts acrylic paint, 1 part fabric paint, and a few drops of acetone. I used acetone on my clutch because the material is simulated leather, and the acetone will break down the paint so the material on the clutch will still be pliable instead of drying rock solid. 

Use long strokes to cover the section of your clutch. Paint the clutch as evenly as possible.

Set your timer for 15 minutes and repaint. After an additional 15 minutes, if the color has not reached your liking, repaint and wait an additional 15 minutes after that. 

Wait until the clutch is completely dry before removing the painter's tape. Fix any additional blemishes and let it dry. 

And there you have it folks! 

Thanks for watching!

xo Jessica

No, It's Not OkCupid...

*Disclaimer: Before writing this particular post, I ran the idea of it by two of my very good friends who reassured me I wouldn't be sending myself into an oblivion of embarrassment. So if that's the case, I place the blame on them!

I know I'm not the only one thinking about it, experimenting with it, or actually doing it. A few weeks ago, I decided to follow through completely with the idea of online dating, and I made my first profile on OkCupid. Now, before I get too deep, let me explain my reasoning. First of all, I work as a permanent substitute in a 2nd grade reading room by day and I attend 3-hour grad school classes Monday through Thursday by night. I don't have a tremendous amount of free time to lend myself to meeting people. Second of all, I am so over the bar scene. Third of all, everyone seems to be doing it, so why not hop aboard the online dating train? I know that sounds a little like, "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?" Well, this post is a testament to whether I'd take the plunge or not. 

OkCupid seemed like a decent place to start. It's free and the profile is easy to fill out. After you complete your own profile, they supply hundreds of questions for you to answer, about love, life, jobs, intellectuality, and your matches are based on what you deem as acceptable answers. The more questions you answer, the more particular your matches become. You can "favorite" certain individuals you like, rate people's profiles, and you are free to message anyone and everyone you find on the site. I started with a pretty open mind, not particularly for finding love, but for a social experiment of sorts. Well, let me just tell you, that idea could not have been more of a backfire. 

On the very rare occasion, I received a sweet compliment...

But that quickly turned into a FWB offer. Tempting, but no thanks...

Sometimes, the idea of starting a conversation was a struggle for some...

And for others, getting to the altar ASAP was the only thing on their mind...

Others just had a quick question...

And the rest were just downright bizarre...

Needless to say, it hasn't exactly been going as planned. I've received tons of similar messages like the latter, and not a single one of my messages to other individuals has been returned. What gives?! Now, before I go any further, I give credit to anyone willing to send a message on this site. It's not easy being vulnerable to a complete stranger, and my intention isn't to simply dismiss these messages I've received. But with the continuation of messages like these, who would want to keep their profile on this site? It's unfortunate that so many individuals have the ability to ruin the experience before it even really gets started. I've been on the site for about a month now, and if I wasn't so sickeningly optimistic, I would've quit weeks ago. I guess I'm starting to understand what "finding a diamond in the rough" really looks like in the online world. 

So is this what dating has come to? Is this what I have to look forward to in order to find "the one"? I know some people are a real fan of online dating, but this introduction to it has only left me laughing/confused/frustrated/all of the above. Here's to hoping the next month is better than the last, though I don't see how it could get much worse. Have any of these same experiences happened to you? I want to know about them! Have any of your online dating adventures lead to something concrete? I want to know about those too! I'm open to any and all feedback you're willing to share. In the mean time, I'll just be here, reading messages about my hair color and buckets of KFC...Wish me luck.

xo Jessica 

We Be Jammin'

I don't want to jinx it, but could summer finally be here?! It seems like forever ago that I last wore shorts and flip flops and was able to run outside consistently throughout the week. I made the official clothing swap today between summer and winter clothes, so there's no going back now! My month  of May has been/is absolutely crazy: my sister and many other friends are graduating, which means parties galore, family is flying in to visit, friends are throwing BBQs and other friends are getting married...it's nuts! So needless to say, I was getting a little off track with my diet last week and the gym was getting a little redundant. I decided to make a ton of playlists on Spotify and it did a 180 my workout mood. Spotify is my favorite app on my phone: for $9.99/month, you get access to unlimited music which you can download in playlists to your phone so you can listen when you're not hooked up to WiFi. I highly recommend it for music enthusiasts who don't want to pay $1.29/song on iTunes. Anyways, I wanted to share bits of my playlists with y'all in case you need to spice up your workout music, you wouldn't believe the difference it makes!

The Warm Up: 

"Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" by Michael Jackson

"Get Lucky" by Daft Punk

"Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen

"Look At Me Now" by Chris Brown

"Did It On'em" by Nicki Minaj

"Gotta Have It" by Jay-Z and Kanye West

"FutureSex / LoveSound" by Justin Timberlake

"Icky Thump" by The White Stripes

Cardio:

"SheiBe" by Lady Gaga

"Girl Gone Wild" by Madonna

"Problem" by Ariana Grande

"Roman's Revenge" by Nicki Minaj

"m.A.A.d city" by Kendrick Lamar

"OG Bobby Johnson" by QUE.

"Black Skinhead" by Kanye West

"#thatPOWER" by will.i.am

"Neon Lights" by Demi Lovato

"Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5

"BBC" by Jay-Z

"Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns and Roses

"Dirt Off Your Shoulder" by Jay-Z

"Freakum Dress" by Beyonce

"Dirty Picture" by Taio Cruz and Ke$ha

"Gimme More" by Britney Spears

"Paper Planes" by M.I.A.

"Pon De Floor" by Major Lazer

"Slight Work" by Wale

Weightlifting:

"SOS" by Rihanna

"She Wants To Move" by N.E.R.D.

"Worst Behavior" by Drake

"Natalie" by Bruno Mars

"Give It 2 U" by Robin Thicke

"Cole World" by J. Cole

"Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke

"Hey Mama" by The Black Eyed Peas

"Champion" by Kanye West

"Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera

"A Milli" by Lil Wayne

"No Angel" by Beyonce

"Change Your Life" by Iggy Azalea

"Government Hooker" by Lady Gaga

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins

"Part II (On the Run)" by Jay-Z

"Pop Champagne" by Jim Jones

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon

The Cool Down:

"Show Me" by Bruno Mars

"Practice" by Drake

"Somewhereinamerica" by Jay-Z

"Ignition (Remix" by R. Kelly

"Mrs. Officer" by Lil Wayne and Bobby Valentino

"God Put A Smile Upon Your Face" by Coldplay

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap

"Nobody's Perfect" by J. Cole

xo Jessica

Summertime (Fad)ness

For all the men that read my blog, I will give you this disclaimer at the earliest convenience: this post is geared toward my female audience. Lo siento muchachos. 

Summer is coming!...I say this as I'm typing away covered in fleece socks and a sweatshirt. New England is having a hard time letting go of the frigid temperatures. Nonetheless, I remain optimistic that any day now, my summer attire that's been tucked away for months will reemerge as fresh as ever. Like most of you, I surf Pinterest nearly everyday to keep myself updated on what's trending for the summer season and I've noted a variety of things that I'm thinking of investing in this summer or have already purchased. Because of all the positive feedback I received on my "All I Want for Christmas" series, I figured why not translate the same idea to summer! Like the previous series, I stay within a reasonable budget because I only include items that I can realistically afford. There's a little bit for everyone on this list, and who knows, there may be something you never knew you wanted!

FILA SPORT Ombre Hooded Jacket, $55

Two things: 1. I love the FILA SPORT brand. It's Nike and Adidas quality workout gear without being ridiculously overpriced. The variety of colors and patterns are fantastic and they have just about any item you could think of: shirts, tanks, shorts, pants, capris, etc. 2. I love Kohls. You almost always hit the store during a major sale (still don't understand how they get away with that) and there are plenty of ways to find coupons. I saw this jacket a few weeks ago and fell in love. It's great for running because it's a lightweight shell jacket with an adjustable waistband but it keeps you just warm enough for those chilly morning runs. I can even envision myself using this as a rain jacket on muggy summer days. It's a win win in my book!

Baublebar Athena Tab Strand Necklace, $46

Statement necklaces seem to be all the rage this summer. I have invested in several myself, but I've found that if the necklace makes too much of a statement, I can only pair it with certain pieces. This necklace right here is a beauty. It can be paired with nearly anything (it comes in five different colors) but it's still flashy enough to say, "Here I am!" The best part about this website is when you sign up to receive emails, you instantly get 15% off! I love me some Baublebar. 

Benefit Cosmetics Watt's Up! Highlighter, $30

In my opinion, nothing's better than a great summer tan. You need minimal makeup, you can throw your hair in a messy pony, and just go wherever the wind takes you that day. This product is perfect for those summer nights when you want to dress it up a notch but you don't want layers of concealer to hide all that summer glow. It's a one-size-fits-all highlighter that can be used on cheekbones and down the middle of your nose. Once you lightly blend into skin with the flip-side applicator, you get an instant glow without the heaviness of foundation. Throw on a little mascara and go!

Essie Nail Color "For The Twill Of It," $8.50

Nail polish is a really underrated form of low-cost pampering. A fresh coat of nail polish can really go a long way for a girl. I know this color has been around for some time, but I just can't get enough of it. It's one of Essie's only (if not the only) holographic polishes and the bottle just doesn't do it justice. I highly recommend you search for the color on Google Images to see it on nails. It reminds me of a mermaid's scales and while it's on the darker side for summer, I think having a holographic polish in the sun makes this color even more fun. (This snippet turned out to be an unintentional rhyme fest, my bad!)

Tovolo Groovy Ice Pop Molds, $13

Something so simple can be so refreshing over the summer. These popsicle molds are made for grown up-sized appetites and you can do anything you want with them! One of my favorite popsicle recipes consists of freshly slices strawberries and pineapple chunks with Sprite Zero. Pop those suckers in the freezer overnight and you've got a refreshing, tasty popsicle for the hot temperatures. You can even crank it up a notch by making an adult popsicle with wine and fruit! The possibilities are endless. 

Paderno World Cuisine Tri-Blade Spiral Vegetable Slicer, $49.88

If you enjoy cooking, I think you'll really enjoy this item. I absolutely love SkinnyTaste.com because it offers TONS of recipes that are hearty and healthy. Recently, I read a recipe that included "zoodles," otherwise known as zucchini noodles! Perplexed as to how to make these, the website redirected me to this handy dandy machine thats not only easy but safer compared to a mandolin. You place the zucchini between handle and the blade, start twisting and out comes zucchini noodles! What better way to make a deliciously light summer dinner than including this fun ingredient? On top of the zoodles, this slicer has several other blades to make onion rings, apple ribbons, and french fries. 

Tervis Goblet, $22

My idea of a relaxing summer night is sitting outside on one of my Adirondack chairs, watching the sunset, with a glass of Pink Moscato in my hand. The only issue is that I'm clumsy and half of my patio is covered in brick, so venturing out with one of my glass wine glasses isn't the greatest of ideas. These Tervis "goblets" are 16 oz and will hold your favorite drinks without the hassle of glass. They are dishwasher safe, can be used with any other lid sold by Tervis, and you can pick and choose what you want your glass to look like, or you can even customize your goblet with your own photos. They're great for traveling and carrying with you to the beach as well. 

LOFT Beach Stripe Open Hoodie, $59.50

We've all had the obligatory beach coverup made up of some sort of mesh cotton with elastic that covers you up just enough to take a walk down the boardwalk. But how about changing up that coverup for a beach hoodie? Being the LOFT enthusiast that I am, I can't stop thinking about how cool this is for the beach. It's a polyester and rayon blend so sand won't seep into the material and the neutral stripes will pair with any solid colored bikini nicely. You can even sneak the hood on for the windy days. 

TanTowel Self-Tan Towelette Full Body Application, $24 (5 Towelettes)

I saw these being advertised on QVC one night and I was completely mesmerized. They come in packs of 5 and this is what you do: you open a towelette, apply it to clean, dry skin in a circular motion all over your body, wash your hands, and that's it. There's no extra exfoliating, moisturizing, no awful tanning odor, no need to wait days to see results. You see results within two to four hours and carry on with your day. As someone who has tried just about every tanning outlet, this looks like one of the easiest, pain free ways to get that golden summer glow. 

Alex and Ani Siam Endurance Sacred Studs Necklace, $48

I purchased an Alex and Ani Sacred Studs necklace several weeks ago and I love it! They've taken the expandable concept to a whole new level with the necklace line (available in gold and silver) which allows you to adjust the necklace to whatever length you want. The pendants are just blingy enough to add any character to an outfit and I've gotten more compliments on it than any other recent purchase I've made. Who doesn't love a necklace that can be paired with any neckline? 

xo Jessica

We All Need Somebody To Lean On

Today marks one year since the Boston Marathon bombings. Being a northern Bostonian myself, it's a day full of emotion and reflection. I remember it was just my second week of working in the corporate world when news broke in our cafeteria about the bombing. My best friend regularly attended the Marathon to cheer the runners on, but once I was reassured that she was safe all I could do was sit back and watch in horror: all the victims laying lifeless on the street, the first responders scrambling to their aid, but most endearingly I remember strangers helping strangers. 

The reason I returned to teaching Pre-K to 2nd grade and have recently accepted a year-long fellowship to earn my Masters in Moderate Disabilities was not because of the lesson planning and not because of the hours and the summers off, it was because of the interaction I get to have everyday with, what I think, is the closest thing I'll ever get to angels on earth: the sweet faces of my (current) first graders who come in to school everyday and give me high fives and hugs as if they haven't seen me in years. They tell me about their weekends playing soccer, how much they love Justin Bieber and One Direction, and what they brought for lunch that day. In a world filled with social media and technology, it's refreshing to have face-to-face conversations with my students who have yet to make a Twitter profile. 

Maybe it's the teacher in me, but days like today, anniversaries of horrific and unfathomable events, make me wonder if something could have been done in order to prevent such tragedy. When I scroll through the news pages online and read about one more school shooting or one more school stabbing, all I can think about is this: did someone simply ask how that individual was doing? When we ask people how they are, do we really mean it? Or has this simply become a fleeting form of a greeting so we can hurry back to whatever WE want to do? 

I had a particular student last year who was high on the autism spectrum. He was an absolutely wonderful little boy who was very bright and very kind, but he had a temper in him like nothing I'd ever seen. One on occasion in particular, he came into school and ripped through the children's coats, threw bags on the ground, and wailed on the floor for all of morning circle time. After he nearly emptied a bin of blocks during free play, I took him to our quiet corner and asked (let's call him "John" for privacy purposes), "John, what is going on today? Why are you behaving like this?" He turned his head, looked me straight in the eye and said, "There weren't enough pop tarts for me to eat this morning for breakfast so I had to have cereal and I do NOT like cereal." There it was, all that havoc because of a pop tart. After we took a few deep breaths and recollected ourselves, I told him I was very sorry there weren't enough pop tarts for him but maybe his mom could buy more today so he'll have them for tomorrow. I asked him if he was ready to return to class and he obliged, walked over the free play rug and began playing with his classmates. 

Sometimes, I think these tragedies could be lessened if we just asked each other how we were doing and truly meant it. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. More often than not, there is a reason that we do the things we do, whether it's entirely rational or not. We go by a certain mantra in the school where I work: "The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways." Can't this also be applied to adults in need? During the times in which I go through the most pain, stress, and heartache, a simple conversation seems to lift me from my problems. I think we get too wrapped up in the technological side of friendships, sending Facebook messages to catch up and the occasional email. We experience less and less human contact and we alienate ourselves from the heart-to-hearts that I believe are necessary to the human soul. 

On this one year anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombings, I would ask this of all those who read it: the next time you speak to your friends, or maybe even a stranger, when you ask them how they are doing, mean it. You have no idea what a lending ear could do for someone who may be in pain and need. You have the power to change people's lives for the better, so let's start spreading the love. 

xo Jessica

Keep On Keepin' On

Let me tell you something, whoever I marry has to understand that there will always be another man in my life: the gym. I'm there 24/7 and have often rescheduled plans around my gym schedule. Some call it obsessive, I call it dedicated. It's been nearly 3 years since I began my weight loss journey and have managed to keep the 50 pounds (of fat) off and gained 5-10 pounds of muscle. I recently saw a post circulating around Pinterest about how people who have lost 20-30 pounds have kept it off and I felt like, having gone through the process myself, I could shed some light or offer a few new tips and tricks from my experience. Nothing earth-shattering here, but useful nonetheless:

1. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've lost all the weight and now it comes down to maintenance. You are bound to fluctuate weight every now and then. Who doesn't want to dig in during holidays and parties? I certainly do! So give yourself some wiggle room during these times. My advice? Don't step on the scale at ALL during busy seasons. It'll only ignite panic and frustration. Wait until a week after you're back on your eating and dieting regimen to weigh yourself and go from there. 

2. Find ways to make eating and exercising fun! You're going to get bored at the gym. There's only so much excitement that comes from a 30-minute run on the treadmill or an elliptical workout. If your gym offers classes, check out something you've never done before. If not, make a playlist on YouTube of Zumba videos and create your own dance class. Put together a circuit of exercises you pulled from a magazine or from Pinterest. A change of scenery goes a long way, and you'll be so busy keeping up that the time will pass in a flash. This same idea can be applied toward eating. Never stop experimenting with new recipes and continue to try foods you've never tried before. I snagged a recipe for black bean brownies off Pinterest and to my surprise, they were absolutely delicious! And I don't even like beans! 

3. Reward yourself in little ways. I don't necessarily like using food as a reward system, so I use this mentality on the weekends only. I tell myself that if I work out both Saturday and Sunday, I get to reward myself with a Starbucks Coffee Frappuccino with skim milk, which in Weight Watchers world equates to 4 points. Avoid constantly rewarding yourself with decadent foods. There are plenty of treats out there that can be tweaked toward the healthier side. 

4. If you have an urge for pizza, eat the pizza. If I've learned anything, its that you'll get undeniable urges for junk food. My advice? Dig in. A few slices of pizza will not kill your diet for the week and, from my experience, sort of evens out a week of eating so strictly. I give myself a pep talk that if I eat the pizza, I HAVE to work out the next day or I won't have dessert that night. It's all about give and take. 

5. Drink water. And lots of it. This is repeated so often in the fitness and nutrition worlds, but it really does work. Drinking water throughout the day cuts down on hunger and keeps your system clean. The beauty of water is that there are so many ways you can dress it up. I keep Crystal Light packets in my bag at all times, and if I have enough time in the morning before work then I'll slice up strawberries, apples, lemons, limes, or oranges really thin and toss them into my water bottle. Some of these fruits detoxify your body and, in my opinion, act as a snack because it gives you something you can actually taste. 

6. Always have a goal. Recently, I've been able to breeze through a 5K running route, so I've been big on signing up for all those fun road races. Whatever it is, Color Run, Electric Run, Tough Mudder, I make sure there's always something in the future that keeps me motivated. In between 5Ks, I think about bikini-centered vacations or weddings I'll be attending that fuel me to keep training. The most difficult time is when the cold weather hits and those chunky sweaters come out. You'll have to push yourself extra hard during these times, and I'll admit that there'll be days you just won't want to do it. But think about this: by the time summer hits, you'll have already put in all the work and be swimsuit-ready! It takes a little imagination and a lot of determination. 

7. Keep yourself accountable. I like having Weight Watchers on my phone because, in a weird way, it guilts me into keeping my diet on track. I find that if you use a tool, whether it's a journal or an app, that keeps you accountable of what you're eating and how much you're moving that you'll feel more obligated to stay in shape. I went off WW for a little while and quickly found myself thinking, "Oh, this sandwich could be 7 points but I'll just say it's 5, and a serving size of crackers is 4 points but I'll just say I ate half...". Yeah, that won't work. You'll find yourself going down a slippery slope of denial and it may get you into trouble on the scale. Be honest with yourself and make smart choices. 

8. Fiber is your friend. Sugar is not. I always knew fiber was good for you, but I never realized just how filling it was. I love Fiber One anything and I try to eat at least one of their products a day. They offer a wide variety of cereals, snack bars, granola bars, and chips that truly fill you without having to eat a lot of it. Fruits such as apples, pears, and blackberries will do the trick as well. That being said, stay away from excessive sugar. I find that if I eat a sugary cereal for breakfast or something too sweet at lunch, my hunger knows no bounds for the rest of day. Like anything else, it's all in moderation. 

It's amazing how transformable your body can be if you just believe you're capable of changing it! My stomach was all out of whack during the winter so I've been focusing on abs (ugh) for the past few months. So far, I'm pleased with the progress! 

     

xo Jessica

Call Me Maybe

I like to draw my blog pieces from experiences I've had in my life. I find that writing about these experiences without holding back or sugarcoating the details makes for a better story because, more often than not, a lot of you have shared similar stories. Just recently, I've decided to slowly make my way back into the dating world. I got out of a year-long relationship several months ago and I've been hesitant to start because, quite honestly, I don't know where to begin. I work in an elementary school, so the male population is slim to none, and a lot of the friends I'd go out with are living elsewhere, so I do what I can.

 

One of my best friends and I were having dinner last night and as I was telling her about my dating dilemma, she said something sad yet true: almost all dating has streamlined into the online world. Texting, Snapchatting, emailing, OkCupid-ing, Tindering, etc. And guess what? It drives me crazy.

 

I've had several instances in which, in my opinion, a flirty nature via technology has been sent my way. Texting throughout the day, sending photos, hinting towards meeting up and getting drinks. One instance in particular lasted several months. I offered once to meet up over a weekend but was met with disappointment he had "other stuff going on." I recently offered a second time, after he outright stated he'd like to come over that week, and was met with a response to the likes of, "Well, essentially I'm busy for the next two months. Sorry." I'm sorry...WHAT?!

 

Then why did we speak several times throughout the day, nearly every single day? Why did you bother taking the time to send Snapchats or send text messages? Granted, I wasn't forward enough to ask him exactly what he wanted, but I know the difference between friendship and asserting yourself toward something more, and this kind of behavior pointed to the latter.

 

Technology has ruined the way we communicate in modern-day relationships. It offers zero accountability for behavior because you get to hide behind a phone screen and say whatever you feel like saying without any eyes watching. I don't know about you, but I think it's a pretty ridiculous concept to have to screenshot every conversation I have with someone just to say "I told you so" when they decide they no longer want to play the game. I think it's pretty ridiculous that our current form of flirting is how many people "swipe right" on our Tinder profile. I think it's pretty ridiculous that people are satisifed when their phone vibrates with a new text message, and yet they can't meet face to face for a coffee.

 

I often wonder what life would be like without all these distractions. Imagine having to tell someone how you really felt without the security of a keyboard in front of you? I think there's a certain freedom in admitting true feelings, face to face, to establish exactly what you want. If you don't have any romantic interest in me, I can completely understand. That's not the problem. The problem lies with being dragged in circles of "does he like me, does he like me not," based on all the implications of being unable to read the tone of a text message, only to have your vision of love and a relationship implode in your face. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many similar stories I've heard regarding the new world of dating via cell phone. Why are we so afraid of confrontation? I know confrontation can carry a negative undertone, but in this case I think it's healthy. When we want a coffee, we order one via the counter. When we want a raise, we address our boss. Why, then, is it so seemingly difficult to admit romantic feelings out loud?

I don't necessarily have the answer to that. Quite frankly, I know it would be difficult for me to be outright with someone I was romantically attracted to. But at what point do we stop this nonsense of texting and calling, etc.? It's not real. We're satisfied with things that are intangible: little letters typed out in blue bubbles on our cell phone screens. Wouldn't you rather opt for a feeling, whether it's reassurance or love or heartache? I can tell you this: I'd rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.

Starting today, I'm going to challenge myself to ask the tough questions and make more of an effort to take relationships out of the virtual world. I am so incredibly thankful for things like Facebook and Twitter because I'm able to keep in contact with friends near and far, but I don't want to be reliant upon a website to do that for me. I'm going to start being more proactive about speaking out when something bothers me and admitting when feelings begin to develop. I read a quote once that said, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." If you really want to know what's going on in relationships, whether they're friendly or romantic, why not ask?


xo Jessica

NYC Epiphany

I remember two years ago, when I was a second semester senior, having an anxiety attack in my room on a beautiful, Saturday morning. T-minus five months until graduation. I didn't have a job, a place to live, any source of income, and seemingly no fruits to bear from my four years of labor throughout college. And it made me increasingly angry as time went on.

I still have plenty of friends left in college, and I'm beginning to see the mid-year panic flash across my timelines and news feeds. I know the feeling all too well. The feeling of bewilderment and excruciating patience. The feeling that everyone else around you has their plans figured out and you're just floating about. The old adage: "By the time you graduate, you should have your life together." Well, I have come to tell you that it's complete and utter bullshit. 

Last week, I went to New Jersey to visit one of my best friends. She had bought tickets for a party called HennyPalooza in NYC. Essentially, you paid for a ticket and it granted you access to the club, all the Hennessy you want, and overall just a great time. It was at Tammany Hall in the Lower East Side, so off we went to party. Much to my surprise, when I walked in, I'd have to say we were on the younger side of the crowd. Most participants appeared to be in their late 20's, maybe even early 30's, but they were all having the time of their life. The drinks were flowing and the music was bumping. This was refreshing in comparison to the debauchery of college club life. There was no fighting or swearing, no lame music, no malice between the groups of girls. It was probably the best night I've had in years. At one point in the night, I was standing next to a man at the bar and we struck up a friendly conversation while waiting for the bartender about where we were from and how we got here. He was 29 years old but as soon as he stated his age, he followed with, "Hey, I'm just trying to have a good time! What's the rush, right?"

I don't think I've ever been able to express my thoughts on post-graduation misconceptions better than this gentleman. What's…the…rush. Now is the time in life that we're allowed to make mistakes because we don't know any better. I'm currently in the process of attempting to transition back into graduate school while substitute teaching, which doesn't hold a candle financially to the salary I had when I worked previously in Sales. But you know what? I am one thousand times happier working an hourly wage, in a classroom with amazing second grade children, than I ever was with a full-time salary. I'm sure I spend money I don't have, sleep six hours a night when I should be sleeping ten, blow my weekends in NYC, but isn't that what life is all about? 

To all those 20-somethings in panic mode about graduation, my advice to you is this: don't forget to have fun. We are SO young. So incredibly young and vibrant and full of life. We will never get our 20s back, so don't we want to make the most of it? Speaking from experience, I can tell you the following:

• Money will always come. You may not like the manner in which you have to get it (ie. working retail, food service, temp work, etc.), but it's always possible. We have to pay our dues before the picturesque vision of work in our minds comes to fruition. 
• Living at home is not the end of the world. I have lived at home from the time I graduated and you may not be the coolest kid around, but you are saving money. And once you see how much living on your own costs, you may think about extending your stay for financial purposes.
• Never give up looking for jobs. You may have to apply for several hours a day, but don't give up. Someone out there will find your resume and realize what a wonderful candidate you are for their business. The process can often be painstaking and sad, but don't give up on yourself and your integrity! 
• Do something to keep you busy while you're unemployed. Write. Dance. Sing. Create. Anything that keeps your mind active.

My most important piece of advice about graduating: HAVE FUN! It's going to be tough, I'll tell you upfront. Your friends are going to move away and you're going to have to force yourself to get out and meet new people or travel on the weekends to see your friends, and you must! You are on the cusp of your 20s, the most exciting, forgiving, amazing, free-spirited time of your life. For a year after graduation, I wallowed in the idea that all my friends had left me, I didn't have a job, and I rendered myself useless. I deeply regret this.

There's plenty of time left in our lives to have our shit together. Somewhere in the cosmos, I think we all have a plan waiting for us and everything will fall into place exactly as it should. But in the mean time, why not make the best of it? 

xo Jessica

Connecticut Makes Me Think of You

There's just something about traveling that gets my creative juices flowing. I always travel with a pen and paper because you never know what emotions can strike you at any second. Today, I'm traveling to New Jersey to visit one of my best friends and former college roommates. My bus drops me off in NYC, so naturally I'm even more excited because it's a rarity that I ever travel to the big city. My imagination runs wild when I see the people, the city skyline, buildings, bridges...as I thought to myself last night, I just have a great energy about this weekend's festivities. Only I would choose to travel to New Jersey on Superbowl Sunday weekend! 

In order to get to NYC, you have to travel directly through Hamden, CT, where I went to college. While we were going down 84, a flood of nostalgia came rushing back to me. I pulled out my pen and paper and just started writing what I was feeling, and this is what I came up with. I was an avid poet in college and unfortunately, I don't write as much as I'd like to anymore. But this is one of the easiest-flowing pieces I've written in a long time. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

"Connecticut" 

by Jessica Poe

Connecticut makes me think of you. 

The rust-stricken overpass

Highway streetlights

Married together,

Amidst all that blue. 

I remember all the exit signs too. 

Elm and Charter Oak

Vernon Diner

Taunting and teasing,

Like we had a clue.

Tell me all those feelings were true. 

The words dripped like honey

Fingers and fevers

Rambling forward,

'Til the inferno broke through. 

We had so much left to do. 

Sunday breakfasts

Holding hands

Platinum and diamonds,

But the barrier grew. 

Now, there's just a fickle hue.

Settled over the skyline

Twisted, morose

But the streetlights are still there,

Steadfast and true.

A reminder, like you.

I guess this letter is overdue.

Connecticut makes me think of you.

xo Jessica