I like to draw my blog pieces from experiences I've had in my life. I find that writing about these experiences without holding back or sugarcoating the details makes for a better story because, more often than not, a lot of you have shared similar stories. Just recently, I've decided to slowly make my way back into the dating world. I got out of a year-long relationship several months ago and I've been hesitant to start because, quite honestly, I don't know where to begin. I work in an elementary school, so the male population is slim to none, and a lot of the friends I'd go out with are living elsewhere, so I do what I can.
One of my best friends and I were having dinner last night and as I was telling her about my dating dilemma, she said something sad yet true: almost all dating has streamlined into the online world. Texting, Snapchatting, emailing, OkCupid-ing, Tindering, etc. And guess what? It drives me crazy.
I've had several instances in which, in my opinion, a flirty nature via technology has been sent my way. Texting throughout the day, sending photos, hinting towards meeting up and getting drinks. One instance in particular lasted several months. I offered once to meet up over a weekend but was met with disappointment he had "other stuff going on." I recently offered a second time, after he outright stated he'd like to come over that week, and was met with a response to the likes of, "Well, essentially I'm busy for the next two months. Sorry." I'm sorry...WHAT?!
Then why did we speak several times throughout the day, nearly every single day? Why did you bother taking the time to send Snapchats or send text messages? Granted, I wasn't forward enough to ask him exactly what he wanted, but I know the difference between friendship and asserting yourself toward something more, and this kind of behavior pointed to the latter.
Technology has ruined the way we communicate in modern-day relationships. It offers zero accountability for behavior because you get to hide behind a phone screen and say whatever you feel like saying without any eyes watching. I don't know about you, but I think it's a pretty ridiculous concept to have to screenshot every conversation I have with someone just to say "I told you so" when they decide they no longer want to play the game. I think it's pretty ridiculous that our current form of flirting is how many people "swipe right" on our Tinder profile. I think it's pretty ridiculous that people are satisifed when their phone vibrates with a new text message, and yet they can't meet face to face for a coffee.
I often wonder what life would be like without all these distractions. Imagine having to tell someone how you really felt without the security of a keyboard in front of you? I think there's a certain freedom in admitting true feelings, face to face, to establish exactly what you want. If you don't have any romantic interest in me, I can completely understand. That's not the problem. The problem lies with being dragged in circles of "does he like me, does he like me not," based on all the implications of being unable to read the tone of a text message, only to have your vision of love and a relationship implode in your face. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many similar stories I've heard regarding the new world of dating via cell phone. Why are we so afraid of confrontation? I know confrontation can carry a negative undertone, but in this case I think it's healthy. When we want a coffee, we order one via the counter. When we want a raise, we address our boss. Why, then, is it so seemingly difficult to admit romantic feelings out loud?
I don't necessarily have the answer to that. Quite frankly, I know it would be difficult for me to be outright with someone I was romantically attracted to. But at what point do we stop this nonsense of texting and calling, etc.? It's not real. We're satisfied with things that are intangible: little letters typed out in blue bubbles on our cell phone screens. Wouldn't you rather opt for a feeling, whether it's reassurance or love or heartache? I can tell you this: I'd rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.
Starting today, I'm going to challenge myself to ask the tough questions and make more of an effort to take relationships out of the virtual world. I am so incredibly thankful for things like Facebook and Twitter because I'm able to keep in contact with friends near and far, but I don't want to be reliant upon a website to do that for me. I'm going to start being more proactive about speaking out when something bothers me and admitting when feelings begin to develop. I read a quote once that said, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." If you really want to know what's going on in relationships, whether they're friendly or romantic, why not ask?
xo Jessica
I don't necessarily have the answer to that. Quite frankly, I know it would be difficult for me to be outright with someone I was romantically attracted to. But at what point do we stop this nonsense of texting and calling, etc.? It's not real. We're satisfied with things that are intangible: little letters typed out in blue bubbles on our cell phone screens. Wouldn't you rather opt for a feeling, whether it's reassurance or love or heartache? I can tell you this: I'd rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.
Starting today, I'm going to challenge myself to ask the tough questions and make more of an effort to take relationships out of the virtual world. I am so incredibly thankful for things like Facebook and Twitter because I'm able to keep in contact with friends near and far, but I don't want to be reliant upon a website to do that for me. I'm going to start being more proactive about speaking out when something bothers me and admitting when feelings begin to develop. I read a quote once that said, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." If you really want to know what's going on in relationships, whether they're friendly or romantic, why not ask?
xo Jessica
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