You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of year. Personally, I don't think it's any accident that I was born on Christmas Eve. There's just something about this holiday that brings out the brightness and best in people; everyone has a bigger smile and kids are at an all time high. This is the first time I've approached Christmas while working full-time, and I have to tell you, it just doesn't feel the same. 

I always used to joke that college was a "fake life." You have nearly zero responsibilities beyond schoolwork, you're surrounded by friends 24/7, and when holiday break hits, you're home for nearly a month specifically designed around Christmas. Maybe it's just me, but it heightened my excitement for the holidays. The countdown until I returned home, the two week rush to buy gifts, then the turnaround time to being back with my friends and roommates. But this year, I find myself struggling to get into the holiday spirit. I was asked a few days ago what my vacation time would be for the holidays, and I was able to take a whopping two days off: Christmas and the day after Christmas. Living on the edge! I found this was a pretty common regimine amongst my coworkers and by January 30th, everyone in my office will be back to work. I work a 9 to 5 shift everyday, followed by a gym session or running errands, and that usually gets me home around 7 at night. I like to do some Christmas shopping online or on the weekends, but it's all so rushed. If I don't get it done now, then there will be 3 weeks til Christmas...2 weeks til Christmas...last chance.

I was sitting at my desk the other day, day-dreaming like always, and I realized how trivial work can be at times. Maybe it's just my industry, but would the world really end if I didn't ship that package in time, or buy the right bag of chips for the office, or submit a document by a certain deadline? There's 24 hours in a day, and most of us only spend 8 of those hours at work. Do you make the rest of those 16 hours count? I know I can't tell you to stop sleeping (trust me, I'd be an ugly sight if that were the case), but at the same time I took a step back and looked at my day overall and realized I've been struggling to approach it as enthusiastically as I know I probably could. I was invited to a dinner a few weeks ago right after work and I thought, "Ugh, I just finished an 8 hour work day and I'm so tired, I'd rather just stay home and chill out." I have to pull myself out of this mindset ASAP. I'm soon-to-be 24 years old, not 85 with a cane and a curfew. So what if I go to bed at 12 instead of 11, or that I missed a gym session that week. If it's something that I really want to do, then it'll all be worth it.

This seems to be the same issue I'm having with Christmas. It's almost like I'm simply going through the motions of decorating the house and wrapping gifts rather than throwing myself into the full-fledged Christmas extravaganza that I've loved for so many years. The stress of the work week can really take its toll, if you let it. I've started to stop myself from checking work email when I get home. In fact, I've started the habit of jumping into my car as soon as 5:00 PM hits, turning the stereo up, and singing my lungs out to One Direction. Crazy? Probably. But hey, it relieves my work day insanity and it takes me away from the "work zone." I need to find the same thing to help cure my Christmas blues.

In a lot of ways, unfortunately, I think this just may be a part of growing up. In my opinion, the early 20s has been the most awkward time of my life thus far. Am I a kid? Or an adult? But I still live at home...but I want to be independent...so do I still get excited about Christmas? Or am I a mature adult still giving my family members things from Target because my salary can't afford me any more? Oh, and I pay my own Sallie Mae bills, but my parents still pay for my cell phone...

Nothing really definitive here, just some stream-of-consciousness that occurred to me last night when my parents were watching Christmas Vacation. I've seen that movie so many times, could probably quote my way through a good deal of it, but last night didn't feel the same flutter in my heart. I've been told that Kelly Clarkson's Christmas album is fantastic, so maybe I need a dose of new tunes and good cheer.

Confessions of Previously Chunky Girl

Ever since I was born, I was chunky. I came into this world at 9 pounds and didn't stop there. My parents said I went through formula like nobody's business and they had issues keeping me from over-eating all throughout my toddler years. One of the earliest memories I have is running around my grandmother's house in Tennessee, trying to sneak rolls of bread without her seeing. That speaks volumes to the food addiction I developed growing up. It somewhat evened out in my middle school years, but it ballooned during early high school years and it did a number on my self esteem. People made fun of me in the hallways. Instead of Jessie, my high school nickname, they used to call me "Bessie the Cow." Girls didn't want to be near me in the locker room during gym periods. Certain friends grew to be embarrassed of me. 

Essentially, I told myself that if I couldn't win people over with my looks then I would win them over with my academics. Sad? Yes. But I stuck to it. I excelled in high school in nearly every course I took and finished with a 3.9 GPA. On the flip side, I became extremely unhealthy. My mother and sister are genetically thin but my father's side of the family is husky. They are tall and big-boned like me and have always retained weight. I told myself that was just my genetic predisposition and I was destined to be big forever. I repressed my weight issues as unfixable and continued to succeed in my schoolwork, all the way up through college, where luckily my friends grew to be much more accepting. 

My senior year of college is when it all really caught up to me. When I began interchanging my summer clothes for my fall clothes, I attempted to get into a pair of jeans I had owned for years and found they no longer fit. The same story went for some shirts and dresses, and that's when the internal panic button was set off. My roommate and I then bought a scale for our bathroom and when I stepped on it in September of 2011, I nearly had a heart attack: 220 pounds. I couldn't believe how irresponsible I had been. I made a promise to myself: over winter break, I would begin a new lifestyle and completely change the way I carried on with my life. Initially, it started as a necessity, but grew to be the greatest decision I've ever mad.

Initially, I started with the the South Beach Diet and boy, let me tell you, it was nearly impossible. For the first two weeks, you are restricted to vegetables with a few extra calories each day and that's it. I tried it for three days and gave up. A friend then directed me to try Weight Watchers. Every food has a point value, and based on your weight and height you are given a certain number of points each day with extra points per week. That was much easier to adjust to. I quickly learned to swap out 4 Oreos for a Fiber One brownie bar, and instead of 5 points of cereal, I ate a banana for 0. It took some getting used to, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few nights that I didn't go to bed hungry. But once I got over the two week hump, it was smooth sailing. I added 3 days of exercise each week, primarily 30 minutes on the elliptical, and made a promise to myself that I would only have one "cheat day" per week. In order to get healthy, you have to be really honest and hard on yourself. Lifestyle changes involve your entire life, and you must be willing to accept and embrace change.

Well after that, the weight just started to come off. My "weigh in" day was Sunday and every week I lost an average of 2-3 pounds. I began to find myself reaching for healthier food options in comparison to carbs and sweets. I added an extra day at the gym if possible, sticking to cardio and Zumba classes. It took a long time and a lot of hard work and self-control, but after a year and four months, I lost 50 pounds!
                 
September 2011                              April 2013

        

Now here's the shock factor. Believe it or not, the photo of me from April 2013 is STILL considered obese in the medical world! Imagine losing all that weight and going back to your doctor's office only to hear that your weight is still in the obese range. The first time I heard that news, it broke my heart. They told me I needed to lose an additional 20 to 30 pounds in order to be "of average weight" according to my height. While I agree that I could withstand to lose a little more weight, I refuse to believe that I am obese based on a set of rules that do not take into account all I've done in order to get healthy. I went back to the same office a few weeks ago for a physical and heard the same story as I heard the previous year, but I now know and accept in my heart that I am doing the absolute best I can. I drink plenty of water, eat the right things, splurge occasionally, and work out 4-6 times a week. We need to stop beating ourselves up! In a world where bullies hide behind a computer screen and enjoy throwing insults, or people make jokes at our expense, we need to rise up and realize that we will never be happy with our circumstances if we can't be happy with ourselves first. I wasn't happy for a long time because I was using academics to hide the fact that I didn't love myself. It wasn't until I realized that I was worth the change and the betterment that I could begin really getting healthy. Everyone is worth the best, but first we must realize that in our hearts. That's when the change truly begins.

I've never had the confidence to write about my weight struggles until a few days ago when I looked in the mirror at the gym after a long workout and, unashamed, said "Dang! I look good!" We all deserve to feel like this! Half the battle is realizing that you are worth it. So stop beating yourself up and take a look in the mirror and realize how extraordinary the person in front of you is, no matter what anyone says about you. If you love the path you're on, keep going. If you need a change, go for it. Do what is best for you, and don't let anyone else tell you differently. This world is for the taking, so go out there and get it!

Today

xo Jessica

All I Want for Christmas...Stocking Stuffers

One of my favorite parts about Christmas morning is digging into the stockings. It's essentially a free-for-all in my house when it comes to stocking stuffers. Over the years, my stocking has contained toothbrushes, lottery tickets, jewelry, makeup, Baileys nips, gloves, magazines, socks, sunglasses, and beyond. We like to keep it under $15, so I've compiled this list in that price range. I had so much fun with this post! There were so many amazing finds online, it just takes a little digging and some patience. Here's to hoping this list will give you some inspiration! 

Baublebar Umbrella Ring Tree, $12

Nike Chevron Sport Headband (2-pack), $10

Victoria's Secret PINK Aqua Damask Water Bottle, $14.50

Old Navy Cozy Socks, $5

Sonia Kashuk Geometric Print Soft Cosmetic Case, $6.99

Vineyard Vines Whale Shape Coozie, $5

Ulta Tangle Teezer Detangling Hair Brush, $9.99

Star Wars Lightsaber Thumb Wrestling Book, $12.99

I know I'm not the only one that laughed at this!

Knock Knock Just Sayin' Nifty Note, $4.50

Post-it Ring-Shaped Die-Cut Memo Cube, $2.99

Delia's Tribal Headband, $12.90

Additionally, these are some of my favorite stores to pick up stocking stuffers:

CVS

Staples

Ulta

Michaels

Target

Christmas Tree Shop

Remember, we only have 23 days until Christmas. Now get shopping people! 

xo Jessica

All I Want for Christmas...For Under $50

Here we go! As part of my "All I Want for Christmas" series, and as promised, here is the second installation with my favorite gifts under $50. I've made a lot of lists, checked them twice, and compiled some items that I think are really nice!

For the Fashionable Traveler:

Urban Outfitters Around the World Leather Watch, $34

Watches always make for great gifts but I'm especially fond of this one. It's gorgeously made, interesting, and serves as a neutral so it will match whatever outfit you put together. The watch itself is adjustable, eliminating all sizing woes, and comes in brown, black, or mahogany. It's a beautiful conversation piece that looks much more expensive than it actually is. 

For the Pretty Pretty Princess:

Alex and Ani Prism Spark Wrap Bracelet, $38

I am an Alex and Ani enthusiast. I went to college in Connecticut and these bracelets started becoming a huge hit my senior year. I love the message behind them and the meaning behind each particular bracelet. There are so many to choose from and almost all of them come in under $50. I love the charms and I own 8 bracelets myself, but I also like to draw attention to the beaded bangles because they're gorgeous. This one in particular is great because the lucite pairs well with any other bracelet she may own. I also love the meanings behind this particular bangle: fearless, festive, and forward. 

For the Perfectly Polished:

Dior Addict Lip Glow, $31

I have a love/hate relationship with lip products. Some of them look great, others make you look like a clown. This particular lip product is different than the rest because it isn't actually a color. It reacts with the natural chemistry of your lips to produce a color that is entirely your own, meaning it won't simply sit on your lips and smudge or smear off. On top of that, it's a moisturizing balm to keep your lips from chapping. Its SPF 10 to protect your lips from sun damage and can be used all year round. 

For the Penny Saver:

Kate Spade Bring to Light Coin Purse, $50

Kate Spade came out with a lot of new accessories this season and I find this item to be particularly charming. It measures at about 3.5" x 5.5" so it can perfectly slip into a purse and hold a variety of items like coins, reciepts, business cards, credit cards, etc. It also comes in black, which says "Escape the Ordinary," or pink, which says "Naughty and Nice." 

For the Not-so-much Morning Person:

Art. Lebedev Thermal Battery Mug, $35

This mug cracks me up. It will arrive completely black, but when you pour liquid over 96.8 degrees Farenheit into this mug, it activates the battery on the outside to light up all the way. The battery then loses power as the liquid goes down. Think of it as charging yourself up and your coffee is the fuel. A truly funny gift for someone like me that understand the necessity of morning caffeine. 

For the Sweet Smellers:

Diamond Candles Fresh Snow Ring Candle, $24.95

I'd have to say this is one of the most unique candle-related gifts I have ever seen. Diamond Candles are all natural soy candles that emit a high quality fragrance throughout your entire home. They have fruity, foody, classic, and holiday scents to choose from, but the fun doesn't stop there. Hidden in the candle, wrapped in a foil packet, is a ring worth either $10, $100, $1,000, or $5000. In my opinion, this completely changes the game of candles being "boring gifts." Not only do they get a great smelling home but a ring to boot!

For the Dazzling Diva:

LOFT Sequin Mesh Infinity Scarf, $44.50

Because I work in a professional environment, the dress code in my place of work is business casual. I spend a lot of time shopping at LOFT because they offer a lot of different clothing pieces that are office appropriate and send lots of promotions throughout the month. I was shopping in LOFT a few weeks ago and spotted this gorgeous infinity scarf. It is so soft and the two-tone neutrals give it a multidimensional appearance. The darker neutral is overlaid with a mesh that is decked out in sequins. And best of all, it's actually warm! A great transition piece that can be worn outside but also as a chic accessory piece for the holidays. 

For the Tech Savvy:

KB Covers USA Flag Keyboard Cover, $29.95

The outside of your laptop is decked out, why not jazz up the inside? KB Covers offers a variety of colors and designs to lay over your MacBook laptop, including an American flag, animals, flowers, colors, etc. If you are looking for something a little more technical, they also sell keyboard covers for Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Final Cut Pro, and DJing users. Learning a new language? They also sell covers in 25 different languages. Definitely a fun yet useful gift that the true techy will enjoy.

For the Beauty Queen:

Sephora Favorites Glitz & Glam Collection, $45

Sephora is the holy grail of beauty supplies. They offer full size, travel size, accessories, skin care, dental care, and more. One of my favorite things that Sephora does each year is compile several sets of best-selling products throughout the year into one and sells them in a chic travel bag. I've seen several sets on their website but this one is my own personal favorite. It comes with Urban Decay eyeshadow, Nars lipgloss, Nails, Inc. top coat nail polish, Josie Maran cheek gel, Lancome mascara, Stila concealer, Sephora false eyelashes, Too Faced lash liner, and a Sephora laser-cut metallic clutch. All that for $45! Any girl that loves her makeup will absolutely enjoy this gift. 

For the Girl Next Door:

Etsy Custom State, Hand Stamped Aluminum Necklace by TheCopperFox, $28

When my sister came home after spending 5 months studying abroad in Spain, I purchased a necklace for her with a cut-out of Spain and a heart over Granada, the city where she lived. Her reaction when she opened that gift was unforgettable. There's just something about the places we live that make a huge impact on us. This necklace is made of aluminum, cut and hand stamped with a heart over wherever you'd like, delivered with a sterling silver chain. If anyone has studied abroad or lived somewhere that has made an impact on them, I guarantee their reaction to this gift will be similar to my sister's. I've also seen others on Etsy who can make bracelets, keychains, and charms if you're looking for something other than a necklace. 

The closer it gets to Christmas, the more deals I am seeing on some of the websites I have posted, so be sure to check out what Cyber Monday has to offer! I've started compiling a third installment of this series with my favorite stocking stuffer ideas which I hope to get out to you early next week. 

Just 25 days until Christmas, can you believe it?!

xo Jessica

All I Want for Christmas...For Under $100

Tomorrow is Turkey Day and you know what that means? Christmas is a mere month away! My family has always been Christmas fanatics, further emphasized by the fact that I was born on Christmas Eve thus making the holiday season extra hectic. Every year, I think I get more of a rush buying gifts for friends and family than actually receiving gifts. It's fun to try and narrow down that perfect gift without blowing your budget on one person. For the few people that are important to me, I try to keep it below $100. This year, I've compiled some ideas for the different personalities you may run across in your own family. All the links are included when you click on the pictures if you'd like a closer look. 

For the Fitness Junkie:

Fitbit Flex Wireless Activity + Sleep Wristband, $99

 

This is truly a great gift for someone who enjoys being physically active. It tracks your calories burned, distance, and number of steps the entire day you wear it. The lights in the front of the wristband indicate how close you are to reaching your fitness goal for the day. When you sleep, it tracks the number of hours you get and the quality. To step it up a notch, you can then sync it with your phone or computer and track your fitness levels or progress over time. I like it because it's very sleek and modern-looking as opposed to several other fitness wristbands that have come out in the past few years. I work in a professional environment but I can easily imagine myself wearing this to work with no problems. It comes in several different colors and it's water resistant, so you don't have to worry about taking it off before hopping in the shower after a workout. While coming in just under the $100 mark, it's a great price in comparison to all the other workout gear that's been advertised this Christmas. In my opinion, it's well worth it and the recipient will absolutely love it. 

For the Makeup Connoisseur:

Luxery Deluxe Wood Cosmetic Box with Mirror by Lori Greiner, $79.96

My mother and I are QVC enthusiasts and we saw this item a few weeks ago from Lori Greiner. My mouth dropped because I've truly never seen anything like it. If you're like me, you keep all your makeup jam-packed in a makeup bag on your dresser which you rifle through every morning until you find that one particular shade of brown eyeshadow. Your makeup gets dirty and lost and, in general, it's not a good system. This changes everything. It closes up to look like a mini dresser, but opens up to several drawers and shelves within the box itself. There's large compartments for concealer and lotion, smaller ones for brushes and blush, and a divider for lipsticks and glosses. It even includes a mirror to eliminate further hassle! All the reviews on QVC says its a life-changer and I love it because it's unique and extremely useful. It also looks beautiful when closed and comes in four different shades of wood. For the price tag, I think it's a brilliant buy. 

For the Music Lover:

FRENDS Ella Rose Gold Earbuds, $99

Designer headphones and earbuds are all the rage right now but a lot of products come with a hefty price tag. I wear earbuds often, whether I'm at the gym or on a bus, and I like the idea of having musical accessories that match your individual style. I saw an ad in a magazine for FRENDS headphones and instantly fell in love. Not only do they sound great but they look amazing. They plug into any device like a normal pair of earbuds, but offer a sleek, rose gold accent to the cable which transpires up to the actual earbud. There's also a volume control  option built into the earbuds which is done in the same rose gold accents. I think anyone who's addicted to their iPod will love this gift.

For the Master Organizer:

Erin Condren Classic Life Planner, $50

I can tell you one thing: this is not your mother's planner. I was once told by a few college friends that this planner saved their life and I can absolutely believe it. This planner has everything you could ever want: laminated cover and tabs, weekly and monthly spreads, meal and exercises lists, page holder, note pages, folders, stickers, and contact lists. I highly encourage you to check out the link if you're interested. On top of all those goodies, you can select your favorite cover (they have a variety to choose from) and they will personalize it with your name. Additionally, you can add extras to your planner like markers (+$8.95), personalized stickers (+$5.00), or a pen holder ($2.50) to max out your perfect planner. This would make a great gift for anyone of any age that enjoys planning and organization. 

For the Fashion Plate: 

ASOS Metal Plate Day Bag, $67.63

Every fashionista needs a good bag, and ASOS offers a great selection. I'm always suprised to hear when people say they've never heard of ASOS because it's a great brand with fun clothing and accessories at a very reasonably price. I love this bag because it has great structure to it, which is all the rage in handbags right now, and pairs nicely with just about any outfit you could come up with. The metal accents are bold but not overbearing, and the pop of pink is the perfect soft compliment to the fierceness of the bag. You can either carry it by the handles or use the strap and double it as a larger crossbody bag. A great buy that will easily transition from winter into the spring months. 

For the Trendy Tweeter:

Baublebar Mini Twitter-Plate Necklace, $100

I adore this necklace. Nowadays, almost everyone has a Twitter and what better way to advertise than put your name on a necklace! You can personalize this piece for either your username or any hashtag you want (up to 15 characters each), choose the font type, and choose the necklace length. For an additional $10, you can have it made in yellow gold. I love this piece because it's unique and relevant. It's fun and trendy but sophisicated at the same time. 

For the Snuggle Bug:

Gap Fair Isle Open-Front Cardigan, $79.95

Nothing beats receiving a comfy sweater for Christmas. The winter months are still ahead and snuggling up to a fire on the weekends sounds amazing. But it's even better when you can do it stylishly. This Gap cardigan is beautifully made and is 30% wool, NOT the itchy kind. It pairs with just about anything, jeans, khakis, leggings, and can be dressed up or dressed down. It comes in navy or gray, and the open front makes it a little easier to determine the right size. 

For the Romantic Heart:

International Star Registry Custom Star Kit, $54

If you're thinking of a gift to get that special someone, have you thought about reaching for the stars? This is what Interntional Star Registry aims to do. For the Custom Star Kit, you are given a unique star which you can name in someone's honor and dedicate. The Kit includes a certificate stating the star's name, a detailed star chart with your star highlighted with the coordinates, and an astronomy booklet for further research. The Deluxe Star Kit will frame the certificate for you in a double matte, gold metallic frame ($109.95) and the Ultimate Star Kit will additionally frame the star chart for you as well ($154.95). I think the idea of sharing something with someone that will be eternal is incredibly kind and throughtful. You'll always be able to look up to the sky and know that you have your own place up in the heavens. 

For the Caffeine Addict:

Starbucks Coffee Press Gift Set, $74.89

I'm sure we all know a few coffee enthusiasts out there and I think this is a fun gift to someone who enjoys their daily cup of joe. Starbucks offers gorgeous coffee presses, and this gift set of a coffee press, electric grinder, and limited edition Christmas blend coffee beans is a great price for everything you get. Imagine being able to wake up on a Sunday morning and grind your own coffee however you like. You can even add a pair of mugs to this gift set and make it a couples' gift for aunts and uncles, moms and dads, or grandmas and grandpas, all for under $100! 

For the Cooking Machine:

RedEnvelope Personalized Cutting Board, $59.95

What better way to celebrate a great chef than with a personalized cutting board? RedEnvelope gives you several templates to choose from, including "Best Backyard BBQ," "Fresh from the Kitchen," or "Creator of Delictable Edibles," which can then be personalized with the chef's name. It is imprinted into a solid maple cutting board which measures in at 20" x 14" x 1". Each cutting board is unique due to the natural variations of the wood, all handmade in the USA. Not only will they love the sturdiness and quality of the cutting board, but the added touch of personalization will go the extra mile. 

Still stuck? How about a gift card! Some of my favorite stores this year: 

Restaurant.com

Alex and Ani

Patagonia

Vivid Seats

Loft

Nike

NFL Shop

Sometime next week, I'll be posting "All I Want for Christmas...For Under $50," so stay tuned!

xo Jessica

Love vs. Career

Do you think it's possible to have love and a career?

I struggle with this idea constantly. Think of all the recent movies and books you've seen and read: the female protagonist, completely enamored by her male counterpart, abandons all rationale of the real world and chases after him and she hoists herself into the horse-drawn carriage and rides off into the sunset with her new love. It's what every girls dreams of, but I don't know if that's enough for me.

Let me preface by saying that my parents set the bar extremely high when it comes to work ethic. My father joined the electricians union when he was 17 years old and has taken maybe 5 sick days his entire life. My mother earned her secretarial degree and immediately started working upon graduation. From the time I was very young, my parents used to tell me this: Our job is to go to work, and your job is to do well in school. I took that idea and ran with it and I got a job as soon as I was 17, working at a toy store. When I wanted something, I worked hard and saved up to pay for it. When I was in college, I worked 25 hours a week as a tutor, on top of a full-time class schedule. I have never, and hopefully will never, ask my parents for money. Currently, I work full-time professionally as a Sales Administrator, 40 hours a week, and put every effort I can into being successful.

Here comes the catch: it came at the expense of my relationship. My ex has been finishing school down south and wants to stay down there. He asked me if I would follow suit, move forward with an engagement and marriage. That meant I would have to find a new job and, deep down, I just didn't want to do that. I do well where I am and I know it's going to open many doors for me. My ex and I played tug-of-war with this idea for a long time until it finally imploded a few months ago. I just wasn't willing to give up my dreams of being professionally successful. If you met my ex, I'm sure you'd think I'm crazy. He's handsome, smart, good head on his shoulders, and kind. But essentially, I had to put my relationship on one hand and my career on the other, and my career won.

Does that make me cold? Possibly. And for a while, I truly believed I made a horrible mistake. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I reaffirmed to myself that moving down south with him would be settling. I would've been happy to be with my boyfriend, but I wouldn't have been satisfied leaving my job. It's a little like ordering a bad sandwich at your favorite restaurant: the ambiance is nice but the meal is incomplete. I want the full package. I want the fireworks and the butterflies, and I don't think anyone should be ashamed to admit that they want it all.

If you get a bad sandwich, why would you continue to eat it? I encourage all 20-somethings to step back every once in a while and ask themselves if they're truly doing what they want to do. I had to step back and ask myself a very difficult question: am I at a stage in my life where I want to get married at the expense of starting over professionally? I had to have a difficult, honest conversation with myself and I had to tell myself things I didn't want to hear. Honesty is key. Now is the time with so much promise and possibility and it would be a shame to let it go to waste while we still have time to experiment and fuck shit up. When you know what's right, you'll feel it in your bones. My ex may have been picture perfect, but that didn't mean he was perfect for me. Until then, if you feel like you're only fulfilling surface-level dreams, it's probably because your heart is telling you that you're settling. Don't settle. There's still time to figure it all out. There's plenty more sandwiches on the menu for you to choose from.

xo Jessica

Thirty Two Days until 24

I can't be alone when I say that almost everyone older than me has mentioned how incredibly disparate your 20's can be. I think I can attest to that sentiment more lately than ever before. Within the course of a few hours, I can be joyful, angry, sad, melancholic, bitter, kind, and grateful. There have even been a few times in which I've responded to my mom or dad with something snarky, only to come to the realization that I don't even know what I'm so angry with.

I'm going to be 24 years old in just thirty two days. If you want to talk logistics, I have far surpassed my quarter-life crisis. And yet I find myself concerned with the same thought nearly every day: I don't think I've achieved any major, hell modest, feat since I graduated college. At QU, I was every parent's poster child: great GPA, Editor-in-Chief of the university's literary magazine, honors society member, tutor. You name it, at the very least I tried it. But boy, did I underestimate the leap into adulthood. Working in Sales and Marketing is exciting yet terribly stressful, and the only other time I have left in the day is spent at the gym. I've learned to appreciate the saying, "I wish there were (insert number here) more hours in the day."

One of the things I miss most about college is my BA program in English. Writing is a true passion of mine and I don't believe I'll ever understand the people who claim it's the bane of their existence. When a fresh pad of paper stands between me and my pen, it almost feels euphoric. So when it came time to cure my 20-something blues (on top of these horrid winter blues slowly creeping up on me), I decided to name my blog "Yoknapatawpha Dreaming." My final thesis paper was based on William Faulkner, the author responsible for As I Lay Dying, The Sound and the Fury, and so many more extraordinary works. Nearly all of his pieces takes place in Yoknapatawpha County, an imaginary place Faulkner created to base all his characters in. Often times, I feel like I could reside in this whimsicality. I'm proud to say that while I may have gone through my ups and downs these past two years since graduation, I have never lost any adherence to my imagination.

If I'm going to venture forth into this bizarre yet fascinating time in my life, I'd rather document it in the hopes that I can learn from my mistakes and improve upon my strengths. At this age, I have the world at my fingertips. Why not use it at my disposal?

"Don't be 'a writer.' Be writing."

xo Jessica