Ever since I was born, I was chunky. I came into this world at 9 pounds and didn't stop there. My parents said I went through formula like nobody's business and they had issues keeping me from over-eating all throughout my toddler years. One of the earliest memories I have is running around my grandmother's house in Tennessee, trying to sneak rolls of bread without her seeing. That speaks volumes to the food addiction I developed growing up. It somewhat evened out in my middle school years, but it ballooned during early high school years and it did a number on my self esteem. People made fun of me in the hallways. Instead of Jessie, my high school nickname, they used to call me "Bessie the Cow." Girls didn't want to be near me in the locker room during gym periods. Certain friends grew to be embarrassed of me.
Essentially, I told myself that if I couldn't win people over with my looks then I would win them over with my academics. Sad? Yes. But I stuck to it. I excelled in high school in nearly every course I took and finished with a 3.9 GPA. On the flip side, I became extremely unhealthy. My mother and sister are genetically thin but my father's side of the family is husky. They are tall and big-boned like me and have always retained weight. I told myself that was just my genetic predisposition and I was destined to be big forever. I repressed my weight issues as unfixable and continued to succeed in my schoolwork, all the way up through college, where luckily my friends grew to be much more accepting.
My senior year of college is when it all really caught up to me. When I began interchanging my summer clothes for my fall clothes, I attempted to get into a pair of jeans I had owned for years and found they no longer fit. The same story went for some shirts and dresses, and that's when the internal panic button was set off. My roommate and I then bought a scale for our bathroom and when I stepped on it in September of 2011, I nearly had a heart attack: 220 pounds. I couldn't believe how irresponsible I had been. I made a promise to myself: over winter break, I would begin a new lifestyle and completely change the way I carried on with my life. Initially, it started as a necessity, but grew to be the greatest decision I've ever mad.
Initially, I started with the the South Beach Diet and boy, let me tell you, it was nearly impossible. For the first two weeks, you are restricted to vegetables with a few extra calories each day and that's it. I tried it for three days and gave up. A friend then directed me to try Weight Watchers. Every food has a point value, and based on your weight and height you are given a certain number of points each day with extra points per week. That was much easier to adjust to. I quickly learned to swap out 4 Oreos for a Fiber One brownie bar, and instead of 5 points of cereal, I ate a banana for 0. It took some getting used to, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few nights that I didn't go to bed hungry. But once I got over the two week hump, it was smooth sailing. I added 3 days of exercise each week, primarily 30 minutes on the elliptical, and made a promise to myself that I would only have one "cheat day" per week. In order to get healthy, you have to be really honest and hard on yourself. Lifestyle changes involve your entire life, and you must be willing to accept and embrace change.
Well after that, the weight just started to come off. My "weigh in" day was Sunday and every week I lost an average of 2-3 pounds. I began to find myself reaching for healthier food options in comparison to carbs and sweets. I added an extra day at the gym if possible, sticking to cardio and Zumba classes. It took a long time and a lot of hard work and self-control, but after a year and four months, I lost 50 pounds!
September 2011 April 2013
Now here's the shock factor. Believe it or not, the photo of me from April 2013 is STILL considered obese in the medical world! Imagine losing all that weight and going back to your doctor's office only to hear that your weight is still in the obese range. The first time I heard that news, it broke my heart. They told me I needed to lose an additional 20 to 30 pounds in order to be "of average weight" according to my height. While I agree that I could withstand to lose a little more weight, I refuse to believe that I am obese based on a set of rules that do not take into account all I've done in order to get healthy. I went back to the same office a few weeks ago for a physical and heard the same story as I heard the previous year, but I now know and accept in my heart that I am doing the absolute best I can. I drink plenty of water, eat the right things, splurge occasionally, and work out 4-6 times a week. We need to stop beating ourselves up! In a world where bullies hide behind a computer screen and enjoy throwing insults, or people make jokes at our expense, we need to rise up and realize that we will never be happy with our circumstances if we can't be happy with ourselves first. I wasn't happy for a long time because I was using academics to hide the fact that I didn't love myself. It wasn't until I realized that I was worth the change and the betterment that I could begin really getting healthy. Everyone is worth the best, but first we must realize that in our hearts. That's when the change truly begins.
I've never had the confidence to write about my weight struggles until a few days ago when I looked in the mirror at the gym after a long workout and, unashamed, said "Dang! I look good!" We all deserve to feel like this! Half the battle is realizing that you are worth it. So stop beating yourself up and take a look in the mirror and realize how extraordinary the person in front of you is, no matter what anyone says about you. If you love the path you're on, keep going. If you need a change, go for it. Do what is best for you, and don't let anyone else tell you differently. This world is for the taking, so go out there and get it!
Today
xo Jessica
Initially, I started with the the South Beach Diet and boy, let me tell you, it was nearly impossible. For the first two weeks, you are restricted to vegetables with a few extra calories each day and that's it. I tried it for three days and gave up. A friend then directed me to try Weight Watchers. Every food has a point value, and based on your weight and height you are given a certain number of points each day with extra points per week. That was much easier to adjust to. I quickly learned to swap out 4 Oreos for a Fiber One brownie bar, and instead of 5 points of cereal, I ate a banana for 0. It took some getting used to, and I'd be lying if I said there weren't a few nights that I didn't go to bed hungry. But once I got over the two week hump, it was smooth sailing. I added 3 days of exercise each week, primarily 30 minutes on the elliptical, and made a promise to myself that I would only have one "cheat day" per week. In order to get healthy, you have to be really honest and hard on yourself. Lifestyle changes involve your entire life, and you must be willing to accept and embrace change.
Well after that, the weight just started to come off. My "weigh in" day was Sunday and every week I lost an average of 2-3 pounds. I began to find myself reaching for healthier food options in comparison to carbs and sweets. I added an extra day at the gym if possible, sticking to cardio and Zumba classes. It took a long time and a lot of hard work and self-control, but after a year and four months, I lost 50 pounds!
September 2011 April 2013
Now here's the shock factor. Believe it or not, the photo of me from April 2013 is STILL considered obese in the medical world! Imagine losing all that weight and going back to your doctor's office only to hear that your weight is still in the obese range. The first time I heard that news, it broke my heart. They told me I needed to lose an additional 20 to 30 pounds in order to be "of average weight" according to my height. While I agree that I could withstand to lose a little more weight, I refuse to believe that I am obese based on a set of rules that do not take into account all I've done in order to get healthy. I went back to the same office a few weeks ago for a physical and heard the same story as I heard the previous year, but I now know and accept in my heart that I am doing the absolute best I can. I drink plenty of water, eat the right things, splurge occasionally, and work out 4-6 times a week. We need to stop beating ourselves up! In a world where bullies hide behind a computer screen and enjoy throwing insults, or people make jokes at our expense, we need to rise up and realize that we will never be happy with our circumstances if we can't be happy with ourselves first. I wasn't happy for a long time because I was using academics to hide the fact that I didn't love myself. It wasn't until I realized that I was worth the change and the betterment that I could begin really getting healthy. Everyone is worth the best, but first we must realize that in our hearts. That's when the change truly begins.
I've never had the confidence to write about my weight struggles until a few days ago when I looked in the mirror at the gym after a long workout and, unashamed, said "Dang! I look good!" We all deserve to feel like this! Half the battle is realizing that you are worth it. So stop beating yourself up and take a look in the mirror and realize how extraordinary the person in front of you is, no matter what anyone says about you. If you love the path you're on, keep going. If you need a change, go for it. Do what is best for you, and don't let anyone else tell you differently. This world is for the taking, so go out there and get it!
Today
xo Jessica
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