Do you think it's possible to have love and a career?
I struggle with this idea constantly. Think of all the recent movies and books you've seen and read: the female protagonist, completely enamored by her male counterpart, abandons all rationale of the real world and chases after him and she hoists herself into the horse-drawn carriage and rides off into the sunset with her new love. It's what every girls dreams of, but I don't know if that's enough for me.
Let me preface by saying that my parents set the bar extremely high when it comes to work ethic. My father joined the electricians union when he was 17 years old and has taken maybe 5 sick days his entire life. My mother earned her secretarial degree and immediately started working upon graduation. From the time I was very young, my parents used to tell me this: Our job is to go to work, and your job is to do well in school. I took that idea and ran with it and I got a job as soon as I was 17, working at a toy store. When I wanted something, I worked hard and saved up to pay for it. When I was in college, I worked 25 hours a week as a tutor, on top of a full-time class schedule. I have never, and hopefully will never, ask my parents for money. Currently, I work full-time professionally as a Sales Administrator, 40 hours a week, and put every effort I can into being successful.
Here comes the catch: it came at the expense of my relationship. My ex has been finishing school down south and wants to stay down there. He asked me if I would follow suit, move forward with an engagement and marriage. That meant I would have to find a new job and, deep down, I just didn't want to do that. I do well where I am and I know it's going to open many doors for me. My ex and I played tug-of-war with this idea for a long time until it finally imploded a few months ago. I just wasn't willing to give up my dreams of being professionally successful. If you met my ex, I'm sure you'd think I'm crazy. He's handsome, smart, good head on his shoulders, and kind. But essentially, I had to put my relationship on one hand and my career on the other, and my career won.
Does that make me cold? Possibly. And for a while, I truly believed I made a horrible mistake. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I reaffirmed to myself that moving down south with him would be settling. I would've been happy to be with my boyfriend, but I wouldn't have been satisfied leaving my job. It's a little like ordering a bad sandwich at your favorite restaurant: the ambiance is nice but the meal is incomplete. I want the full package. I want the fireworks and the butterflies, and I don't think anyone should be ashamed to admit that they want it all.
If you get a bad sandwich, why would you continue to eat it? I encourage all 20-somethings to step back every once in a while and ask themselves if they're truly doing what they want to do. I had to step back and ask myself a very difficult question: am I at a stage in my life where I want to get married at the expense of starting over professionally? I had to have a difficult, honest conversation with myself and I had to tell myself things I didn't want to hear. Honesty is key. Now is the time with so much promise and possibility and it would be a shame to let it go to waste while we still have time to experiment and fuck shit up. When you know what's right, you'll feel it in your bones. My ex may have been picture perfect, but that didn't mean he was perfect for me. Until then, if you feel like you're only fulfilling surface-level dreams, it's probably because your heart is telling you that you're settling. Don't settle. There's still time to figure it all out. There's plenty more sandwiches on the menu for you to choose from.
xo Jessica
I struggle with this idea constantly. Think of all the recent movies and books you've seen and read: the female protagonist, completely enamored by her male counterpart, abandons all rationale of the real world and chases after him and she hoists herself into the horse-drawn carriage and rides off into the sunset with her new love. It's what every girls dreams of, but I don't know if that's enough for me.
Let me preface by saying that my parents set the bar extremely high when it comes to work ethic. My father joined the electricians union when he was 17 years old and has taken maybe 5 sick days his entire life. My mother earned her secretarial degree and immediately started working upon graduation. From the time I was very young, my parents used to tell me this: Our job is to go to work, and your job is to do well in school. I took that idea and ran with it and I got a job as soon as I was 17, working at a toy store. When I wanted something, I worked hard and saved up to pay for it. When I was in college, I worked 25 hours a week as a tutor, on top of a full-time class schedule. I have never, and hopefully will never, ask my parents for money. Currently, I work full-time professionally as a Sales Administrator, 40 hours a week, and put every effort I can into being successful.
Here comes the catch: it came at the expense of my relationship. My ex has been finishing school down south and wants to stay down there. He asked me if I would follow suit, move forward with an engagement and marriage. That meant I would have to find a new job and, deep down, I just didn't want to do that. I do well where I am and I know it's going to open many doors for me. My ex and I played tug-of-war with this idea for a long time until it finally imploded a few months ago. I just wasn't willing to give up my dreams of being professionally successful. If you met my ex, I'm sure you'd think I'm crazy. He's handsome, smart, good head on his shoulders, and kind. But essentially, I had to put my relationship on one hand and my career on the other, and my career won.
Does that make me cold? Possibly. And for a while, I truly believed I made a horrible mistake. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I reaffirmed to myself that moving down south with him would be settling. I would've been happy to be with my boyfriend, but I wouldn't have been satisfied leaving my job. It's a little like ordering a bad sandwich at your favorite restaurant: the ambiance is nice but the meal is incomplete. I want the full package. I want the fireworks and the butterflies, and I don't think anyone should be ashamed to admit that they want it all.
If you get a bad sandwich, why would you continue to eat it? I encourage all 20-somethings to step back every once in a while and ask themselves if they're truly doing what they want to do. I had to step back and ask myself a very difficult question: am I at a stage in my life where I want to get married at the expense of starting over professionally? I had to have a difficult, honest conversation with myself and I had to tell myself things I didn't want to hear. Honesty is key. Now is the time with so much promise and possibility and it would be a shame to let it go to waste while we still have time to experiment and fuck shit up. When you know what's right, you'll feel it in your bones. My ex may have been picture perfect, but that didn't mean he was perfect for me. Until then, if you feel like you're only fulfilling surface-level dreams, it's probably because your heart is telling you that you're settling. Don't settle. There's still time to figure it all out. There's plenty more sandwiches on the menu for you to choose from.
xo Jessica
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